After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
His nipple licking is glorious
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