The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
