Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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