he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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