Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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