any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
