Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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