how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
you never un-have a 4some
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize