Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
