so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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