I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
