New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
