Define "chronic" masturbator.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
