so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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