Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I got her a Nickelback box set.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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