youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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