I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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