I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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