You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
