Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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