The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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