we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
What drink are we having for lunch?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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