if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
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