when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
