hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
