this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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