If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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