I skipped work to stalk him.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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