It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
