awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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