I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
