I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
