and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
