oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
