Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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