WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
