so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
