If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The air was thick with penises
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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