I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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