Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
