you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
