i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
