Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
