I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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