dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
