I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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