just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
