The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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