from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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