ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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