Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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