so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
