i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
