fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize