guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
where am i from again
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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