Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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