Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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