u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
