I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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