I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
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She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
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I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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