i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
