Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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