Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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