So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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