Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
