Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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