i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
