i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
you never un-have a 4some
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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