so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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