Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
