how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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