You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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